MULLETITS

Mulletitis [mûl-ĭ-tī-təs] serious inflammation of the hair just above the nape. The only known treatment is a sense of self-respect and fashion and access to a good barber. It is most commonly found in the American South, South America, Eastern Europe, and back-woods, back-hick, small towns everywhere. This disease turned pandemic in the late eighties to early nineties everywhere. Billy Ray Cyrus is believed to be one of the main sources for the outbreak. It affects mostly men but there have been cases found among women. The mullet is also known as: the ape drape, "business in the front party in the back", the short-long, the Mississippi mudflap, Trans Am, the neckwarmer, just to name a few. A few days ago this pandemic swept across Orem, Utah and I became one of the few who came down with a serious case of Mulletitis.

In case any of you are wondering, I am planning on cutting this atrocity off today.